i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
