Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
