Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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