I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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