My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
