Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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