goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
