So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
