Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
