I am in a vortex of obligation.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
