Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
another moral hangover. fuck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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