I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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