every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
