i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
