found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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