You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
