But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
