Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These tits shall not be calmed
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