i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
