I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
