I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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