I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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