sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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