When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
