Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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