everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is my gift to your gina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
