Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
