Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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