We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
