Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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