somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
