i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My pussy is not your playground.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
