So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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