Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
