He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
