Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
