well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize