i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
