Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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