Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
