shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
