My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
