Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
