you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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