can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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