i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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