When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
