Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
