Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
