It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
