I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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