Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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