Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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