you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
