Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
