Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You are a genius and a whore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
