As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize