Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
