fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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