you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
