You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and she was petting her beer can
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
