woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
