He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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