Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
