Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
