I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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