So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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