i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
