dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
