i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
