she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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