Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
