you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
