I think I died a long time ago.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
